Blog Archives

All of the Projects

My life has been chalked full of hectic and stepping back to take a deep breath has not been able to peek its way into my schedule.  I can almost count this post as my deep breath.

Work has been wonderful in the way that I don’t necessarily have to fake I’m working. It has allowed me to be able to sit and work on my beading projects when I’ve had downtime. Whether it’s creating new designs or implementing designs I’ve been able to create a diverse inventory (Etsy shop update will happen soon).

As always, I’m finding more thinky-thoughts and projects to add to my already long list. It doesn’t seem like my brain or my Ib are going to stop anytime soon. That just means I’m the embodiment of the flood. The snow hasn’t even melted yet and I’m bursting at the seams. It must be an ice dam.

I was asked by a local shop last year if I would be willing to present a Kemetic Mythology 101 as a class for their store, and as it would be, I have been letting my anxiety hold me back in different respects to completing the proposal. There is a large amount of information and sourcing I can utilize, but it’s been very overwhelming in my attempts to decide what information I want to present and how I want to present it to the audience. I already know the why I want to do this, and that’s been keeping me from abandoning the project. I told myself I will hone in after my cultural holidays have left and now they are gone.

However, something else has taken precedence. The main focus of my non-work related life has become my costume for the Paganicon Ball in March. The theme is “Primal Mysteries” and the theme of my costume is a tribute to Amon-Re. I have the dress I’m going to be tweaking, but now it is a question of what to use and creating like crazy.

In symbolic terms, I’m currently a spider. I attempt to avoid squishing from large books and weave like crazy, because deadlines and He deserves my attention currently.

Journey Along the Hidden Path

As I hit my month long introspective journey, I’m struck by the footprints I’ve laid down before and what impact I will leave as I walk currently. The details elude me, leaving only the sensation of their vague echoes.

This season marks two transformation cycles, both in nature with Autumn descending upon my home and from within as I enter the month long sojourn that is Opet. As the leaves change their colors and fall, the pieces within me either breakaway, fall in to place, or create something new. Each time I have celebrated Opet there has been the creation or destruction of the defining factors which I am able to weave my path.

However, this year brings unknown factors and results I am not able to predict nor have a guide for.The main reason why the expectations are different are due to the new focuses I have decided to work on to develop myself.

I snicker a little bit at this detail. My Opet is the celebration and a rigorous work period with the Theban triad. The members function within the unseen places and along secretive paths. Their focus is on the work within silence and the hidden. Mut has always been a caring and guiding force in my life when I have encountered/worked with Her. Amon-Re and Khons have been part of my personal retinue for some time, however that bond was deepened this year with the oaths I took on Wep Ronpet . The two of them have a tendency to make everything interesting.

I have no doubts the work I do this Opet will leave a long-standing mark upon me.

Onwards to the hidden path!

 

Wep Ronpet and Resolutions

Wep Ronpet occurred in my location on 8/13. Before that time would have been the Closing of the Year and the five Days Upon the Year.

My Closing of the year went very well and I was excited at the fact the things to be destroyed were different from the year before (based on the notes I found). It was a moment of self-pride and I-did-something-right. I successfully execrated/freed myself from the things to be left behind of this last year.

The Days Upon the Year were a different story. I was not able to perform due to my mindset/emotional state and I stepped away (after receiving permission) from doing anything for the Five on those days.

Wep Ronpet is something I’m still working on. On 8/13 I observed but did not work on the tasks. On 8/16 I participated in a group ritual with the Facebook group I am a part of (Twin Cities Kemetic Network). Today on 8/19, I do the task of mapping a basic idea of the current goals of my year.

Wep Ronpet is about new beginnings, new projects, and new goals. I will be starting a new job in my career on 8/25. With this job, I hope to clean my finances up and better manage that area of my life. I have two new connections where I will be shortly taking oaths and working on new projects helped by Their design. I will be making more of an effort to work on my beadweaving technique and projects.

Other goals are to bring me back to what I have done before and lost due to the storm of my life.

  • I am going to make sure my altar and statues are tended to twice a day.
  • I will be blogging at least once a week.
  • I will make an effort to get a working calendar in order and follow it.

I know I’m not perfect and probably never will be, but I will make the effort to uphold the oaths I have taken and the work I have accepted.  I will continue to walk with honor and dignity in step with the Netjeru and my selves. This new year will bring new beginnings and new outlooks of which will allow myself to both express my devotion and hopefully impart useful commentary to everyone who takes a chance to read my posts.

Happy New Year, everyone!

 

The Path onto the New Decade

The first thing I would like to say is best laid plan’s in my world become none of the plans right away. I planned to have a nice post in March after Paganicon and now it’s the middle of June.

So much of my world has been upended, I’m still trying to bend to storm to me rather than my current beings experiencing the chaotic tossing by its design. I figure a short list will give the idea.

I have not been in the dating scene for six years and I decided to take a chance and try to date someone who was interested. After about two maybe three months, he called it quits. I wasn’t dependent enough on him and too independently minded. Considering the signs pointing towards a toxic relationship I saw after the fact, I was in shock for fifteen seconds and heartbroken not even one. I gained experience I didn’t have before and lessons learned in a way that was best case scenario and not world-shattering.

Paganicon was once again an invigorating experience allowing me to once again discover the pieces to organize what I want to do and where I want to go (details will be below).

I lost my job April 1st and have been on the hunt for a few months now. It’s been an adventure forcing me out of my comfort zone and to take chances I never even thought of taking before. It also became a telling sign of how much my job leached out of my life and how much of me was fractured.

Ongoing issues with my heart energies and my third eye caused me enough duress and pain to finally seek out help. This has both helped me get better physically, energetically, but also to get over the I-have-to-do-all-of-the-things-myself. I haven’t asked many times throughout my life for help beyond book-help and opinions from other practitioners when it comes to my spiritual sphere. It’s been a hurdle the Netjeru have been trying to push me through. This event has been followed up with  a decision to join two of my friends in a practicing circle of sorts where we help each other, have a few group rituals/practice sessions together, and hold each other accountable to work on our individual goals.

I’m sure by now, you can imagine at least a basic picture of Whirlwind of Stuff.

Now, here we are in June, but first let’s go back to March, specifically for the outcome of Paganicon.

Baby steps, baby steps, oh wait, I’ve been doing baby steps for quite some time and didn’t even know it. When Veggiewolf was both preparing and presenting the talk, I learned I had overcome a hurdle I thought I was still battling. One of the main ideas with Baby Steps was paring down religion from being this separate life not intermingled with the “mundane” to a life-workable form. This ties in to my own practice with how I operate on a ritual level. I do the daily ritual cycle intertwined with my “mundane” life. I put mundane in quotations because it’s a concept I can use with others, but it is one I stopped using for myself. My life is all-encompassing and all woven together. One aspect isn’t more important or separate from the others. Which brings me to another a-ha point happening at Paganicon.

I work with open statues. To those who don’t know what an open statue is,  the nutshell description is such: It is a statue utilized as a home for a deity. An open statue is different from other statues in the sense it needs to be taken care of as a person is. Food, clothes, water, bathing are some of the basic needs. It is a TON of work, and  I mean a TON. I never put much thought in to how unique it is to have open statues. I thought all Kemetics had them and it was just the way it was. I was incorrect in that belief and surprised at how my own hopes and dreams for long-term temple work were unique. I was elated when others were excited as to how my system worked, especially when the ur-doing-it-rong was never a part of the dialogue.

I’ve spent years hearing what I was doing was wrong and until recently, I just stopped talking about it. I stopped looking for community because community was there in name, but not in practice. I don’t fit the mold of the community I seemed to find when I was looking. I don’t operate in covens or lodges (the dynamics of some of  the vocal groups around here scare me). I don’t have just a God and a Goddess (I can count  a minimum of 32 in a mixed family setting with three of them as my spouses, two as my other halves and four as my current stalkers). I am a purist in the sense of it’s only one pantheon for me. Others may have a blending and I love to hear how people weave together different systems, but when it’s just “I was told all of the many are the same and I don’t know why I’m mixing the way I am,  but someone said it was the way it goes” perturbs me a bit. It’s like walking up to person A asking their name and a brief summary, taking that summary and saying. “oh, you must love to hang out with person B, because the two of you like water”. Rants aside AKA the TL:DR version: it created a complex when all I was finding antagonistic attitudes aimed at me.

I was preparing myself to have to defend myself when I didn’t need to. Which has brought me again to another defining factor, or at least a community defining factor: label. I have spent time trying to define myself to the community in a way not confusing and allows me to not have to have a thirty minute conversation to get basic details. After deliberation and mulling about what to say now, I have come to the conclusion my current label will be “Adaptive Kemetic Reconstructionist”. I am building from studying to make a system comparable to previous practices, but I’m also tweaking for my own use. I find this label is the best of both worlds, the then and the now.

Now we can enter June. As I enter June, I am reminded, ten years. Ten years have now gone by since I took my first oaths to Aset and Nebthet. Ten years since I made the initiative to go this path. I’m looking forward excitedly to where They will take me and where I will take myself. So, onto the new decade.

 

Opet Musing

My hands reach for the surface drifting away.
I sink from the light of Ra towards the silent depths.
The deafening silence roars as He drags me deeper within.
The silence leads to the hidden.

I sink from the light of Ra towards the silent depths.
The Shining King’s beams will soon no longer hold me in His safe embrace.
The silence leads to the hidden.
The Hidden One will soon entangle me in His embrace.

The Shining King’s beams will soon no longer hold me in His safe embrace.
The warm light will give way to the truthful silence.
The Hidden One will soon entangle me in His embrace.
His whispers will carry me away.

The warm light will give way to the truthful silence.
The deafening silence roars as He drags me deeper within.
His whispers will carry me away.
My hands reach for the surface drifting away.

“T” is for Traversing Opet

On my calendar Opet started on September 30th (three almost four days ago), and I haven’t started much of anything.

Scratch that, I joined the emboatening crew making the initial donation using the referring amount (when I get paid this week, I will be making a donation out of my pocket). I started my Etsy shop and a GoFundMe fundraiser. I have brought myself halfway out of the emotional rut I was in. I should probably amend that statement to say “I haven’t started much of anything ‘ritual’ wise’ for Opet”.

The Netjeru waiting to be involved in my Opet adventure have been patiently waiting for me to be ready to start the other path. The tasks I have achieved listed above is one of two paths I’m traversing for Opet. The paths have intersection, but they also have diverging tasks I am going to be achieving. Assuming the intensity of the path of the “hidden silence” is the reason why They have been waiting for me to be ready.

I am NOT going to half-ass what I need to do. I can’t say if I want “it”, because I don’t know what “it” is yet. Even if I did know “it” and didn’t want “it”, I need to do “it” whatever “it” is.

Just as the old way of the festival was the journey down the Nile, my internal journey is also set in a similar setting. The Nile was both a realm of mystery, danger, and a necessary foundation to the collection of people who lived within the realms of the Netjeru. My own collection of selves is dependent on a similar core of mystery, danger, and foundation. The journey the Pharaoh took during Opet was both a statement to the world, and I imagine, a statement to themselves. This journey I will be undertaking doesn’t have the clear cut statements to the world the Pharaoh had, because I am not Nisut (nor do I accept any current claims of Nisut), I am Makhaut (The word Makhaut is a word for “family” I found in translation and I use it as such).

I’m still debating whether I will keep an online log of my work or if I will keep it to myself. I’m still wrestling with the running-mouth-I-want-to-tell-everyone-everything-I-talk-too-much, so we shall see what happens when it happens. “T” is for traversing Opet, because my boat is about to set sail.

“S” is for Shops

I have set up my Etsy shop and here it is: http://www.etsy.com/shop/HiddenSightCreations#

I welcome any thoughts and constructive criticism. There will be more items listed, but I wanted to get it opened so I think seven is a good number to start with. It’s been a weird week, and I’m surprised at how I’ve been taking leaps with everything. I welcome it, but it’s surprising.

I also have a GoFundMe account to try and get some boost with this whole wanting to not be in the grind forever. The site is here: http://www.gofundme.com/4hntwg

I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay to ask for help with this project. I’m so used to the mindset of “someone has it worse, so I shouldn’t ask for what I should get on my own”. It’s not that I’m greedy or that I’m going to run away with the money. I want financial help specifically so I can do this project.

I am going to work my butt off to get this rolling. I still have to create the Logo and the banner on the computer, but I have a drawing of what it’s going to be.

For a reminder as to what this is all about, see this post: https://withinthewateryheavens.wordpress.com/2013/09/18/r-is-for-the-reign-of-the-hidden-and-s-is-for-starting-anew/

“S” is for Shop, because mine is now open for business.

“R” is for the Reign of the Hidden and “S” is for Starting anew

As Opet approaches I find myself looking deeper and deeper for, well, everything.

I’ve been having a rough time with life in general. I haven’t been happy with the requirements bestowed upon me with living in this time on this plane of existence (bills, work, familial interactions, and other aspects in general). I have been trying my damnednest to make it all work, or have I? Have I really sat down and stopped myself long enough to actually think about/change what is happening?

I suppose I really haven’t put much in place of anything. I have all of these ideas and desires of what I want to do, and the rational/Debbie-Downer part of me is holding me back from taking any actual risks. What if it doesn’t work? What if I fall short?

As I begin to explore what the Netjeru expect of me during Opet, I will walk a parallel path in to diving in to the unknown of the here and now. The parallel path is why my post covers two intersecting topics for two different letters. Isn’t that what the hidden is, what is right in front of us waiting to be found? Something “new” we haven’t seen? Isn’t it the results of the work we may not see, but certainly experience?

So as Opet approaches I made the giant leap and have started to grab a hold of my own wheel and I’m going to spin it myself. I have taken the first leap and am nervous/excited to announce my project: HiddenSight Creations.

This is the name of my new shop in Etsy and is the name of my ongoing project. The project can be summed up like this: I want to eventually be able to allow myself to be supported by my creative ventures. I want this project to be a network with others on collaborative projects in everything from artwork, jewelry, film, video games, music, and other creative ventures with an emphasis on spirituality of all colors and regions.

I feel that although there are influences out there, it tends to be more tailored towards popular ventures, ie a pagan store that sells Goddess imagery (I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, just that I see it more often than not), or movies like “The Mummy” (which all I need to say is five canopic jars, guys). I want to be able to create my work that is with my own “voice and experience” and to create a network with a far-reaching group that explores spirituality for what is for them and to help give people the tools to express themselves to the world.

I’m finalizing the logisitics and will have the link up in a different for everyone’s curious eyes as to what I do, and am going to do.

With that, “R” is for reign of the hidden, because of the personal influences currently helping with the steering, and “S” is for starting anew, because I refuse to fall any further and up I go.

“R” is for Rejuvenation

So here I am after Wg (W4g, W4gy, Wag, or Wagy are also names for the festival). The surprising thing is that I only “celebrated” the Eve and not Wg Proper. I achieved the work I was going to do on the Eve and I was denied the work for Wg itself.

My life is so in motion that it doesn’t feel like it’s moving and I’m missing stops along the way. I’m going to work to slow crap down, because if I don’t, a burnout is bound to happen. One of the criticisms I receive constantly from the Netjeru is I do too much on my own and my expectations are too high to beat myself up over. I have too much I want/feel I need to do and not enough “me” resources.

So approaching this much-needed weekend, I’m going to create a rejuvenation ritual to use when I start hitting the breakdown. When I hit the breakdown, I shut down and turn off (which is typically enacted with horrible migraines, lack of energy, and depression). At the stage of shutdown nothing I want to get done gets accomplished, and I start the vicious cycle again.

I keep telling myself I need a better system. The dramatic up and downs are not good for me and will probably eventually bite me in the ass. There is a difference between saying and doing. I’m hoping by making mandatory time, I can tweak and re-route my current system.

“R” is for Rejuvenation, because I need to take that time and recharge to prepare for everything else.

“Q” is for Quiescence and the Choice for the Dualistic Existence of Silence

I don’t remember what silence in my head is or was.

I really don’t remember what that actually is.

I can’t remember a time where there wasn’t the chatter, or the low murmuring. Either I’m talking, my projects are talking, my souls are talking, or They are talking. Every moment of my day is cramped with me, me-to-the-fifth-degree, projects, Them, and the little white noise stuck in my ears from loud music. I don’t/won’t despise it. I made that choice after all.

With the high festival season in full swing, it seems the voices have multiplied both in internal volume and in number (typically my Beloved, my Brother, and my Father are the constant). The Work I am doing and going to be doing is calling a month before it’s supposed to commence. It is waiting for no one, not Them, not even me. As other points in my life and path are falling in to place, They are starting to carve out the appropriate internal spaces for themselves. I have given Them my permission in this case, but didn’t expect it to happen quite so fast. Since it hasn’t hampered me in the here and now, nor have they stomped on me, I see no reason to change the pace as of yet.

The quiet times I’ve been allowed throughout the years always seems to be a punishment or a forced vacation. The first time it happened led to painful lessons, wounds, and spiritual scars. The general consenus was that it was just a tad beyond what They and I thought would happen. It was decided never to go that route again. The periods of quiescence are for slowing me down. This is how I live currently.

I made that choice and I’m damn proud of it. I’m happy to belong and to be something greater than what I was before all of THIS. They made the choice to save me, invest in me, and I in turn made the choice to pay Them back and to make my place among Them.

As I prepare for the work ahead, I’m anxious and scared. The anticipation however is not as scary as the alternative of being alone. I’ve adapted to the chatter (as I call it), and it is a part of me. I’m not a godphone, nor a god-operator line. I am a physical connection to balance the un-physical connection. I make the unseen be the seen, exposing the hidden and hiding away its blueprints. This newly-waiting-to-be-charged aspect of my Work creates a new place in my practice for quiescence.

To make the connections, the noise is silenced as the work happens. It is in the silencing of the noise the work achieves its goal. The noise, however, never leaves the forefront. It is always there and it is always heard. The work is undertaken as a dance in an ocean, with the impacts not seen beyond the blurred appearance of the work. The tests I face now are silence and secrecy. How to keep silent when surrounded by noise, and how to not run my mouth to the ends of existence.

“Q” is for Quiescence and the choice for dualistic silence, because I don’t do much of anything with quiescence and I will soon not be able to work without it.