Monthly Archives: June 2013
There was a discussion months back in the eCauldron chat about what we would all be doing if our livelihoods didn’t depend on currency. It got me thinking about what I really wanted to do with my life. Whenever I’ve been asked about where I want to be, whether it’s a month from now, or years from now, it’s been different a different answer every time. A few days after the conversation, I really started to think about me, where I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do. This has been an eye-opening self-therapy session.
I want to create. I want to create items. I want to create another link in the chain of the stories of my Makhaut and make a home worthy of them. I would spend my days meditating, praying, researching, storytelling, talking with friends, and crafting. It was funny and sad when I came to this simple conclusion. All I currently really want out of life is to make shiny items, the Netjeru, friendship, happiness, and me. The fact I think of these as far and distant really hit me hard. The realization really made me sit down and evaluate why these simple things were so distant. The realization has leaked over to my Heka, Ka, Ba, Monster, and Khait work to make my life better.
My one-month to six-month plan is to have a place to live and a new job. Toxic is toxic and both my job and my living space is stocked heavily in shit strewn with a multitude of emotionally abusive circumstances. I’m not going in to any more details, because it’s still hard to talk about, and it’s the talk between others I trust and me.
My five year plan includes getting out of the debt-hole I got myself in to. I’m not as bad as others are, but it’s bad enough to where I could have other things lined up if I didn’t have the amount of unnecessary bills. This is priority one. It’s been an unnecessary stress and a hard lesson to learn.
My ongoing plan is to move somewhere out of the present state. People say home is where the heart is, and my heart isn’t feeling the location nor the people who reside here. I’ve lived here for a large portion of my life, but I still feel incredibly distant from the native people and their norms. I come from a different value system with different social cues. The differences between my social behavior and the behavior accepted in the area have driven wedges between others and me.
I wouldn’t say the people here are horrid, but even being among outsiders has put me at the minority of the minority. The number of people in meat-space in this area who can be counted as true friends can be counted on a single hand. It isn’t a bad circumstance, but when it jumps from friend to people who don’t give two shits about me, there is a problem. The conclusion has been this is my location, this is not my home.
I’ve been feeling rather wanderlust yet yearn for the sense of “home”. It saddens me to not have a way to see outside of what there is out there for me and to try and figure out where I want to be. It has been uplifting talking to others about plans and ways to achieve this goal. It has filled me with a renewed sense of adventure and excitement I haven’t felt for a while. This is why “I” is for Inklings of a troubled present and intentions for the future, because from the sadness I’m feeling, the hope I’m going to realize will lead me towards the happiness I’m working to gain back.
There is going to be a string of PBP posts to get me caught up. You have been warned. Recently, my posting has been quiet due to life stresses and trying to figure stupid stresses out (aka I need a new job and I have to find a place to live by August 1st). I’m still alive and kicking, I swear. This post has taken a bit of my remaining sanity away and has been hair-pulling, but I wanted and I think I needed to make this post.
On the spiritual end of my current status, my goals and practices have been tied very tightly to practicing Heka. I could sit here and list out about ALL of theories scholars and others have about the subject. My personal belief surrounding Heka as it is a theory achieved by a way of action, so lecturing isn’t going to be rewarding for both myself and others (now if I ever write a book, then I will hit lecture/footnote mode). It’s more effective for this post to jump right in to what is Heka through my own lenses.
Heka, by my personal belief, is both a Netjer and an instructional philosophy for energetic action. I was originally more familiar with Heka as a deity rather than a method of action. I first recognized Him as the son of Khnemu and Neit (some sources will say the mother is Menhit, and it was later that I first encountered Her name). The concept of Heka is a bit trickier and less direct than as He is.
It wasn’t until last year as I became aware of how vague my methods really were, and had a system of not a large amount of ritual outside of the occasional holidays I would find here and there, I decided to hunker down and really look at what I want out of my path and what the Netjeru want from me within my path. The realization of the vague understanding of key concepts led me to zone in on the subjects and sources to put myself in a better place of understanding what I could build upon and how to build upon it properly. The first one on the list was and still is Heka (Ma’at is much easier for me to do because of the intercedings of some of the key members of my Makhaut).
Gluing together an image interpretation of the word itself has assisted me in the wrapping my own head around what Heka really is. The two hieroglyphics used to make up the concept of Heka leave much open to interpretation and shows the dualism involved. I’ve equated the twisted flax with interconnection and everlastingness. The sound of “Heh” in Heka correlates within my mind to Heh the Netjer symbolizing an eternal force of cycle (the concept of infinity in western terms is about the closest I can describe it) in the Ogdoad. The twisted flax hieroglyphic is placed within the symbol for “Ka” which is two arms outstretched, yet bent upwards at the elbow. Symbolically, the arms are embracing, reaching, and revering the concept of everlastingness/existence.
I discovered Heka could be attributed to activating a core piece of self or of others. It doesn’t have to be on a large scale as a Pharaoh would do, it can be small. It’s everything from speaking clearly, to creating with intent, to channeling, to an energetic web binding the universe together, to a gift Ra gave humanity, and a few more I’m probably forgetting off the top of my head.
Now it has come to the point of how do I apply Heka to my constantly-changing practice? The answer to that question is very simple: make things work and practice, practice, practice. Here I am, doing stuff, or at least planning to do stuff, because the list just keeps getting longer and longer. I am not going to get deep down because there is probably someone who has clicked out before this point. I don’t want to cause snores, and in that regard, here is one example.
One of my main “buckets” of projects has been based in object, tool, and amulet crafting. It has been learning to focus on the creation of different “pieces” to make them meaningful to others either with no intent other than shiny and others with a clear intent. It’s been a long, slow road, and I still think I haven’t hit the curve part yet. I’m not going to give too many examples because many of them are works in progress (aka still in planning stages).
I think the one of the “deepest” and most successful explorations I have done was with what I call “living shabtis”. I have a deep belief in appropriation based on my own personal needs and experiences. A shabti is typically a figure made to perform the work of the equivalent of a person in the afterlife in place of whom the shabti was made for. I figured I could attempt to take the core idea of creating a personable, interactive manifestation to help me in my own life where my focuses lie, because I believe that the life and afterlife are different levels of the same path. An object “supposedly” made for the “afterlife” isn’t limited to that area I’m not at yet. I also believe in the objects as having souls or can house souls, so then the real leap was the manifestation aspect.
There are three created using three different techniques and invoking three different pairs of Netjerus. For the record, I did use stuffed animals for this piece because my 3D creation skills leave much to be desired, and that is a project for a much later date. The three of them each have different functions. The first one was created by techniques influenced / invoking Shu and Neit. The second one was created by techniques influenced / invoking Bast and Ptah. The last one was created by techniques influenced / invoking Khnemu and Geb. I was very impressed with the results and I felt a bit closer to understanding what I can be capable of.
The main point of Heka as I understand it is not the amount of output, but what is being outputted. Am I speaking with clear intent, and am I working to fulfill my potential in the universe are the main questions I answer in regards to Heka. The answer to those two questions leads me to say “H” is for Heka, and it is one of my eternal Works.